


I Hate To Look Into Those Eyes And See An Ounce Of Pain

by akwardcadabra



Series: To Err Is Human (DPD Family Oneshots) [6]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Gen, Heavy Angst, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-06 00:32:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18839971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akwardcadabra/pseuds/akwardcadabra
Summary: Connor overhears a conversation two of his coworkers have about Hank using him as a replacement. He decides to bury his emotions but that doesn't go well.





	I Hate To Look Into Those Eyes And See An Ounce Of Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses  
> Enjoy ^^

“No, I’m sure Anderson’s just glad he found a fucking replacement for his dead son. I mean for what other reason would he let those two damn androids stay?”

“Probably let the second one stay because he wants to keep the first one happy. I mean that Connor guy -or whatever his fucking name is- is sure as hell replacing Anderson’ son.”

“Yeah, what I said.”

Connor swallowed and turned on his heels, heading back to his desk. He had wanted to go to the break room to get Hank some coffee but when he had heard the other two officers talking, he stopped. Once he had heard them talking about him he had listened in. Now all he could hear was the laughter and faint chatter of the man and the woman in the breakroom.

Was he really a replacement for Cole? Surely, Hank would never even think of trying to replace his son. But what if he was? After all, humans were unpredictable – he was built to accommodate to human unpredictability.

If Connor was truly just a replacement that must have meant that Hank had never actually loved him for who he was. That meant that Hank didn’t love Connor, he just loved the idea of having a son again. Tears gathered in the android’s eyes as he sat back down at the desk.

Hank looked up. “Where’s the coffee? Did you forget? Where are your thoughts, kid?” He joked and then stopped when he saw Connor’s expression. “You okay?”

“Yes, I’m perfectly fine. The coffee machine was being used and I decided to come back later so I could spend more time archiving the case.” 

Lying was just another benefit that being a deviant brought. Sadly, the terribly negative emotions he felt were also due to his deviancy. In moments like this Connor wished that he was still a machine, incapable of feeling the heartbreak he was feeling at the prospect of his father never actually loving him.

“You sure? You looked pretty down. Did someone say something?” Hank inquired. “You know I told you to come to me if anyone gives you shit. I don’t want to hear this ‘I can look after myself. I’m one of CyberLife’s most advanced prototypes’ bullshit either. If someone was a dick to you, tell me and I’ll have a word with them.”

“No, Hank. I’m fine. Please don’t worry about me so much.”

“Alright.” Connor knew Hank didn’t fully believe him but that didn’t matter.

Connor went back to work, yet his mind kept racing around the conversation he had overheard. If he wasn’t Hank’s son, Nines surely wasn’t either. Or maybe Nines was Hank’s son. Maybe Nines didn’t remind Hank of Cole as much as Connor did. Even if Nines and Connor looked so much alike they still looked different and the RK800 knew that he resembled Cole. 

And if Hank didn’t love Connor for who he was and only loved the idea of having a son again, then maybe he loved Nines for who he was because he didn’t remind him of Cole that much.

Connor knew that as the big brother he should have been happy that his little brother was loved and had a father but he couldn’t. A terrible, gnawing jealously settled deep within his chest and he felt ashamed.

\---

That night after a quiet drive home and a dinner filled with concerned glances, Nines was settling into bed with Connor. They still shared a bed, finding each other’s company comforting. And since androids normally didn’t move much during stasis, sharing a bed wasn’t uncomfortable either. It also meant that Hank didn’t have to buy another bed.

When Connor had turned off the lights and rolled onto his side, facing away from Nines, the RK900 decided to speak.

“Connor, are you sure you’re alright? If you don’t want to talk to dad about it, I’m here.” Nines whispered.

Connor shook his head, his eyes fixed on the window. Nines always insisted on sleeping on the side by the door because he felt as if that way he could protect Connor, should anyone enter. In reality, both of them knew that if anyone was to break in their sleeping arrangements wouldn’t make much of a difference in the outcome but it was what kept Nines calm when he was stressed.

“Connor, you’re my brother. I worry about you.” Nines propped himself up on his elbow. “Will you please, please tell me what’s wrong? I even called off date night with Gavin because I’m worried sick.”

“Why don’t you go to Gavin then?” Connor snapped back. “I don’t need your help!”

Nines inched away from Connor on instinct. “That’s not what I meant. I was just trying to-”

“To help.” Connor finished with a grumble. “Because you’re the successor? Because you think you’re better than me?”

“Connor, don’t be ridiculous.” Nines said, shocked and worried.

“Just leave me alone. I want to be alone.” Connor mumbled.

Nines at up. “I suppose I’ll just ask Hank if I can sleep in his room tonight.” With that he got up and started to head for the door. “Good night, big brother.”

Once Nines was gone, Connor buried his face in the pillow and started to cry. Not only did Hank not love him, but he was also sure that Nines would hate him too if he kept this up. Truly, no one loved him. He had to be nicer to Nines. He had to stop pushing him away or he’d lose his brother, as well.

\---

When the next morning rolled around, Connor was in the kitchen, preparing breakfast in the hopes of mending his relationship with his brother. It was a Thirium based little breakfast alongside Hank's food. He didn’t even notice that Nines had come in until the other android hugged him tightly from behind, trapping the RK800’s arms at his side.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone yesterday.” Nines whispered, sighing sadly. “You told me to leave but I should have stayed.”

Connor sighed miserably. “No, no I was in the wrong. You tried to be nice and be there for me and I was an asshole. I’m sorry, really. You did nothing wrong in leaving me.”

“I still feel bad.” Nines sighed and let go of Connor, taking a step back so that his brother could turn. “What’s wrong?”

Connor turned around and looked at Nines. The RK900 looked so terribly worried that Connor felt horrible about not being honest with the other android. But he couldn’t really tell Nines what was bothering him so he had to come up with an excuse for his behaviour.

“I had a fight with another police officer and I was still shaken up by it.” Connor explained. It was a bad lie and Nines seemed suspicious but luckily he said nothing.

Connor’s relief over that fact was short lived because a few minutes later, Hank walked in and he looked pretty determined. The RK800 knew what he was so determined about and turned toward Hank fully. Nines eyed them and continued with the breakfast to give Connor and Hank some time to talk.

“Con, will you tell me what’s wrong?” Hank inquired, trying to mask the worry and irritation in his voice with gentleness. “I want to help you but for that to work you gotta communicate with me here.”

“I’m fine, Hank.” Connor whispered. “I swear that I’m fine.”

“Bullshit.” Hank grumbled out, shaking his head. “Connor, stop lying to me. Please tell me what’s bothering you. I want to help, son.”

“I’m not a replacement for your son!” Connor snapped. Hank winced and even Nines seemed startled. Both of them were staring at Connor. “D-don’t think I don’t know. You don’t love me, you just love the idea of having a son again.” 

Hank didn’t react how Nines had expected him to react. He didn’t react with worry but with anger. “You think I’m replacing Cole? Fuck, are you- I mean how could you think I’m replacing my little boy? What kind of heartless fucking machine do you have to be to say something like that? I could never replace Cole! All I wanted to do was be a father to you and Nines and you say things like that to me!”

“Hank, I-”

“I don’t want to fucking hear another word from you!” Hank snapped at Connor. “You can’t say things like that and then tell me you didn’t mean them like that or something!”

“I’m sorry.” Connor whispered. “I’m just-”

“Don’t talk to me.” Hank grumbled, turning. “Just don’t talk to me. Get ready for work, you two.” With that, Hank left for his room.

Connor watched him leave and then tried to leave himself. Nines caught his arm and turned him around, seeing the tears that were cascading down Connor’s face.

“Why did you say that?” Nines whispered. “What gave you that idea?”

Connor pried his hand lose. “Leave me alone.” He sobbed. “Just stop.”

Nines watched Connor leave, as well. He had only wanted to help but it seemed as though he couldn’t. The android wondered if he could fix this and if he could, how he’d do it.

\---

It was Gavin that made them talk again. After hours of Connor and Hank not talking and Nines being shut down, he had enough. He stood up and made his way over to Hank and Connor, pulling Nines along.

“Alright, you two. We will talk this out now.”

Hank looked up. “What are you, a fucking guidance counsellor?”

“No, I’m your colleague and friend and I’m sick of this. First of all, Connor you gotta stop shutting Nines down like that. He just wants to help and you’re being a dick.”

“Leave me alone, Gavin.” Connor whispered, shaking his head.

“Not gonna happen, andy.” Gavin mumbled.

Connor would have laughed at that reference but he was too upset to. It was apparent that now Hank would definitely hate him and that it was only a matter of time before he was thrown out. 

“Hank, aren’t you gonna say anything? What the fuck happened?”

Nines shook his head desperately. “Gavin, you’re making everything worse.”

“That’s what everyone always says before like ninety per cent of my ideas actually work out in their benefit.” Gavin grumbled. “Now, spit it out. If you don’t spit it out, Anderson, I’ll have to ask your son until he tells me.”

Hank stood up quickly, smacking his hands onto the desk. Luckily, it was loud in the precinct at this hour so no one really seemed to notice or car.

“What? Do you think I’m replacing Cole, too?” Hank snapped. “Were you gonna say that or what?”

“What the fuck?” Gavin looked confused. “Why the fuck would I say that? Did Connor say that?”

“Yes.” Hank ground out. “Is that enough of an explanation as to why I don’t wanna talk to him?”

“Hank, I didn’t mean it like that.” Connor stood up. “I’m just scared that-”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Hank grumbled. “Can’t you just give me a little space?”

“Alright.” Connor resigned and sat back down, going back to work.

Gavin eyed both of them and put his hands on his hips, sighing in annoyance. Before he could say anything, Nines ushered him away.

“What?” Gavin grumbled once they were out of earshot.

“Let them cool down a bit.” Nines whispered. “I tried to intervene but it made everything worse. I just want to help Connor. He’s so sad. I feel like a terrible brother.”

“It’s not your fault. He won’t talk to you and if he doesn’t you can’t really help him. You’re a good brother for even trying to help.” Gavin put a hand on Nines’ shoulder.

“I am?”

“Yeah, would I lie to you?” Gavin smiled.

“Yes.”

“Well, this time I’m not.”

\---

It was later that day and Nines was about to leave. Gavin had asked him to stay the night and even though the android wanted to stay and support his brother, he knew that he really couldn’t do much to help. So he begrudgingly let himself be lead to the car by Gavin. 

Connor closed the door to the house and turned around. Hank was standing in the hallway, arms crossed.

“Alright, now that Nines is gone and I have calmed down a bit during the day, we’ll talk.” Hank said sternly. “I don’t want any excuses or lies, got that?”

Connor nodded and shuffled over to the couch after Hank. “Yes, I understand.”

Hank sat down and took a deep breath, willing himself to be the calm and collected one this time. “What made you think I was trying to use you as a replacement?”

The android in front of him looked at his lap. “I overheard a conversation two officers were having. Johnson and McAdams were talking about me and about how I was a replacement for Cole.”

“Johnson is a fucking asshole and McAdams is a gossiping bitch. Why did you take anything those two idiots said to heart?” 

Connor shook his head gently, looking anywhere but at Hank’s face. “I look a lot like Cole and I thought that maybe- no I didn’t expect you to use me as a replacement. I don’t think you would ever do that. But I was so scared of what would happen if even by the slightest chance they had been right.”

“Connor, listen to me now. And look at me, too.” Hank leaned forward, his voice pressed and Connor could tell he was close to tears. He looked up. “No one can ever replace Cole. He was my little boy and I love him so much, still. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t let anyone else into my life, okay? I love him so very much but I also love you and Nines. My love isn’t something that’s finite and can be used up.”

The android tried his best not to let his tears fall but he couldn’t help it. He was sobbing and wiping furiously at his eyes before he knew it. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know you’d never replace Cole. Me saying that must have hurt you so much. I know it’s no excuse, but I was just so scared.”

Hank heaved a sigh. He was still upset about it but holding onto that feeling wouldn’t help this situation at all. Connor was crying and he wanted nothing more than to comfort him. He had never wanted anything else than to be able to care for people and be needed. Quickly, Hank scooted closer and embraced Connor who immediately hugged back. Hank shushed him quietly and looked straight ahead. 

“Are you still angry?”

“I’m upset but I’m not angry. Anger is stupid.” Hank whispered.

“It’s a normal human emotion.” Connor sniffled. “It’s not stupid. Me crying even though I’m at fault for the situation is stupid.”

“Well, since you’re such a know-it-all, you should know that sadness is also a normal human emotion even if it was your fault.” Hank said softly, blinking his tears away. “We made up, yes?”

“Yes.” Connor sighed in relief. “So you want me here for who I am? Even if I’m an annoying know-it-all that always says the wrong things at the wrong times?”

“Yes, even then.” The older man explained quietly. “Even if we fight. I love you for who you are and I love Nines for who he is. You’re my boys.”

Connor couldn’t stop the happy tears that escaped his eyes. “You would still want to be my dad?”

Hank nodded and pulled back to look at Connor. “Yes of course.”

The android gave a small smile at that and then went back to hug Hank tightly. Hank sighed in relief and rubbed Connor’s back, glad that they managed to settle this issue.

“Next time, you tell me right away, alright? And don’t believe everything you hear, alright?” Hank whispered.

“Alright, I promise.” Connor mumbled. “For a police android, I should have handled that better.”

“Well, human emotions sometimes get in the way of good judgment.” 

“Something I really don’t like having human emotions.” Connor sighed. That got a laugh out of Hank.

“I think every human on this planet would agree with you on that.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed. I'll try writing something less angsty next time. See you soon ^^


End file.
